Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My room smells like vodka and shame
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
