Pants 0. Shit 1.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
