he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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