i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
