Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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