Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
