Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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