her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
