the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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