but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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