I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
