Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
