i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
