he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
