I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
