would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
