If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
