So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
