whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
