I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
