Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize