I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
