It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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