Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
