pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
