Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
