Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So squirting runs in the family.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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