And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
