Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had to cum in my sink.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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