why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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