So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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