Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
