we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize