I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
