I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
