I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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