so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
