I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
