Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
