Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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