Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
