Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My ass is underappreciated
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
