I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
