What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
