super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
