I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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