??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
