i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize