508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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