HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
