I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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