I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I intend to get homeless drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
