Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
