Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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