we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
