Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
