wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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