we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Even my vagina gasped.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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