Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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