The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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